The Disassociated Press


"Re-Writing History While it Happens, as We Please"


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Homeless Enterprisers Join Bailout Line - November 19, 2008

Will They be Going Back?

Palin Suggests New 'Angle' on Bailout Plan - September 27, 2008

Sarah...Get Your Gun!

'Sacreligious' Texter Killed in Auto Crash; Divine Retribution? - September 25, 2008

Buckle Up for Safety!

Check Out These Other Great Sites!

Palin's Gibson Interview Raises Questions of Plagiarism - September 13, 2008

Here are a Few More for the Governor!

Palin Moves to Ban Books with 'Lipstick on a Pig' References - September 12, 2008

Time for a Refresher!

Congress Calls Emergency Session to Address 'On a Pig' Crisis - September 11, 2008

Whom Are They Kidding?

Comedian Syd Stickel, on the Presidential Election and Image: - September 5, 2008

Does Sarah Palin Read this With Her Head Phones On?

Comedian Syd Stickel, on Sarah Palin's Vice-Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech: - September 4, 2008

Would Such a Bonnet More Endear Her to the Washington Press Corp?

Comedian Syd Stickel, on John McCain's Selection of Sarah Palin to be His Running Mate: - September 3, 2008

Does the Governor Intend to Bring this to Number One Observatory Circle?

McCain's Weakness for 'Hot Babes' Continues to Haunt, Analyst States - September 2, 2008

Introducing...the Gold Rush Annie Oakley!

Comedian Syd Stickel, on Joe Biden's Vice-Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech: - August 28, 2008

The Most Famous Person You've Never Heard of...

Obama Expands 'Superman' Mystique - August 26, 2008

Was This His Mode of Transport?

Comedian Syd Stickel, on the IOC's Probe into Chinese Olympic Age Violations: - August 22, 2008

One More Time!

Comedian Sid Stickel, on Potential Reaction to a Joe Lieberman GOP VP Nomination - August 21, 2008

We Told You!

Comedian Sid Stickel, on the Possibility of a Joe Lieberman Republican VP Nomination - August 21, 2008

Stay Tuned for the Sequel...Again...

Spanish President Zapatero Declares 'Slit Eye Week' - August 19, 2008

The Next Rage of Tienamen Square?

Comedian Syd Stickel, on the Chinese Women's Olympic Gymnastic Team - August 13, 2008

Here's One for the Ages...

Hollywood 'Celebs' Seek 'Paparazzi Protection' - August 11, 2008

Will They at Least Make Union Scale?

Pickens Endorses Hilton - August 5, 2008

Eat Your Heart Out, Hillary!

San Francisco, Servicemen Find Common Ground - July 28, 2008

You Might Leave Your Heart There - But You'll Bring Something Else Home!

Groups Advocate Texting in Reaction to Cell Phone Law - July 5, 2008

What if They Used a Cell Phone While Doing It?

Comedian Syd Stickel, on Accusations of Candidates 'Flip-Flopping' on Issues - June 21, 2008

We Told You!

Comedian Syd Stickel, on Criticism of Both Parties' Nominees Changing Positions - June 21, 2008

Stay Tuned for the Sequel...

Clint Eastwood Answers Spike Lee's Criticism - May 22, 2008

We Include Them...

Comedian Syd Stickel, on Bill Maher's Apology - April 18, 2008

Don't Change the Rules in the Middle of the Game, Bill!

Youtube Girl Fights Inspire New Reality TV Show - April 18, 2008

We Ask Again: Does Seth Follow the Rules?

Scientist, Cleric Debate Shelf Life of Holy Water - April 17, 2008

Would Folks Familiar with the Professor, the Cardinal and Sadie be Considered to be in One of These?

Comedian Syd Stickel, on Media Bias - April 16, 2008

What Does Bernie have to Say?

Fox Taps Torture Talks in New Reality TV Show - February 18, 2008

Does Seth Follow the Rules?

Congress to Revise Economic Stimulus Program - February 18, 2008

Will the Revision Make the Next Revision?

Trump 'Neat Freak' Theory Nearly Corroborated - January 23, 2008

You'll Never Find Drew Pinsky Here...

Les Miles Pays Tribute to Howard Dean on Eve of New Hampshire Primary - January 7, 2008

...and it goes on and on...

Hannity Handlers Panic over Clinton Decline - January 3, 2008

Is She Out?

Cartman a 'Scab,' Writers Claim - November 27, 2007

Come on, and Meet some Friends of Mine!

'Dawg' Chapman Vying for Fox News Analyst Post, Source Claims - November 8, 2007

Are We Going to the Dogs?

University of Michigan Passes Resolution of Gratitude to New York Mets, USC - October 9, 2007

Don't Forget the '69 Cubs - This Guy Sure Doesn't!

CNN, Fox News to Launch Shows About Each Other - September 28, 2007

Will CNN Find Itself in This Position?

Jury Hung in Spector Murder Trial; Conviction Reached in Breakup of Beatles - September 27, 2007

Light Reading for Phil!

Schumer Introduces Resolution Condemning Hannity, Limbaugh and Levin - September 21, 2007

When Will this Guy Get HIS Resolution?

University of Michigan to Close after School Year - September 6, 2007

Better See it While it's Still There!

Wall Street Journal to Adopt 'Page Three Girl' Concept - August 2, 2007

One for the Road...

Man Sues Convenience Store over Failed 'Lucky Charm' - July 18, 2007

Perhaps Sarkis Would Have Better Luck Next Time with This...

Organization Names Salinas 'Hunter S. Thompson' Award Winner - July 17, 2007

How Will She Report on Antonio's Next Pursuit?

Nikki Blonsky Being Considered to Host The View - July 15, 2007

Good Morning, Baltimore!

Comedian Syd Stickel, on this year's Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island - July 6, 2007

We're Going to Sail Upon that Ferry Boat, Never to Return Again...

CBS Considering Nifong to Host The Price is Right! - June 29, 2007

One More Time...

MSNBC Considering Nifong to Take Former Imus Slot - June 20, 2007

Time for a Thorough Audit, and Inspection...

Comedian Syd Stickel, on Newly Separated Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa - June 13, 2007

Will Antonio be Next?

Comedian Syd Stickel, on the Series Finale of The Sopranos - June 13, 2007

Now That It's All Over...It Finally Should be Safe...

Detroit Sports Fans Throw Muskrat in Response to Results - June 4, 2007

At Least...Maybe One Day...We'll All Meet Mitch Here...

E! to Re-Do Season Five of Simple Life - May 16, 2007

Ah, Yes...We Remember it Well!!

Comedian Syd Stickel, on recieving the 'Comedian of the Year' Award - May 12, 2007

It's All Everyone is Talking About!

Syd Stickel, on the Ongoing Iraqi Conflict - May 12, 2007

For the Day...

Comedien Syd Stickel, on the Live Studio Audience for Real Time with Bill Maher - May 12, 2007

We Kid the Audience...We Kid the Audience, Because We Love Them!

Coalition Calls for 'New 11th Amendment' - May 10, 2007

Time for a Review?

Clemens Extends Major League Longevity Record - September 27, 2052

Like Roger - Never Too Much of a Good Thing!

Adolescent Referrals for 'Mood Disorder' on the Rise, Specialist Claims - May 3, 2007

'Idol' Hands...

Time Warner Re-Classifies Entire Fox News Network as Infomercial- April 25, 2007

They Say Ted Sleeps With This Under His Pillow!

Homeless Sues South Park Over Trademark Infringements - April 24, 2007

C'mon, and Meet Some Friends of Mine!

Caller-In to Talk Show Draws Ire of PETA - April 16, 2007

What Will Scott Say Next?

Scientist Corroborates Rosie O'Donnell's 9/11 Claim - April 13, 2007

A Good Read for Rosie!

Wal-Mart Moves to Trademark The Ten Commandments - April 11, 2007

A First for Us!

Newspapers Institute 'Sinbad Watch' - March 27, 2007

Talk About a Mix-Up!

Arabic Studies Linked to Homosexuality, Scholar Claims - March 14, 2007

Don't Let 'Em Read This on Break!

Hoopster's Hair-do Jells New Admissions Controversy at Michigan - March 9, 2007

Hail...?

Hillary to Propose 'Surge Compromise' Proposal - March 1, 2007

This One's for the Masses!

Geiko Voice-over Guy Smash Hit of Oscars - February 27, 2007

And the Oscar Goes to...!

Rehab Clinic Installs Revolving Door for Britney - February 22, 2007

Required Reading for Britney...

Man Gives Girlfriend Coupons for Valentine's Day - February 15, 2007

Scott Never Ceases to Amaze!

Tara Conner Plays 'Trump' Card against 'The Donald,' Scholar Claims- February 2, 2007

Here She is, Again!

Barney Frank Rejects Cohen's Gay Advances - February 1, 2007

Will This be Cohen's Primer when Barney's Ready?

Alexandra Pelosi Comes to God - January 26, 2007

Watch it with that Gavel, Mom!

Attacks on O'Reilly Continue from Vermont Academia - January 25, 2007

This One's Flying Off the Shelves in the Green Mountain State!

Peyton Manning not Affected by 'Blue Monday' - January 23, 2007

Here's to Football!

Homeless 'Apprentices' Meet Mentor Trump - January 22, 2007

The Donald's New Year's Wish for Rosie?

U.S. Promotions Company Proposes New 'Role' for Saddam - January 18, 2007

Does Pishtush's Future Hang on the New Venture?

Saddam Loyalists Offended at Funeral Coverage 'Slight' - January 2, 2007

Bye, Saddam! Say "Hello" to the Boys!

Group to Lobby to Re-Name Christmas "Traditional Day" - December 19, 2006

This is What We're Talkin' About, When We're Talkin' About Beng Talkin' About Tradition!

Talking Borat Doll Toy Success of Season - December 13, 2006

This Where all Began!

Notre Dame Fans to Wear Opponents' Colors - November 26, 2006

When Does Charlie's Book Come Out?

Seinfeld's Kramer Michael Richards Being Considered for U.N. Post - November 23, 2006

Let Your Heart be Light, Kramer - It's the Holidays!

Kerry Offends Blind, Crippled; Blames Bush, Then Apologizes - November 3, 2006

He'll Never Make the Book Now!

Promotions Company Given Credit for 'Hot' Halloween Get-Up - October 17, 2006

Trick or Treat!

Quote of the Day: Comedian Syd Stickel - October 23, 2006

We Can Never Get Enough!

Ann Coulter's Godless Inspires Genre - October 13, 2006

No Equal Time Issue Here!

Time Warner Cable Re-Classifies The O'Reilly Factor as "Infomercial" - October 11, 2006

What's Our Cut, Bill?

Yankee Fans, NY Journalists Possessed by Spirits of Ancestors, Medium Claims - October 9, 2006

When All Else Fails...Blaim this Guy!

Television Review - Fred Willard Parodies Self as Movie Critic September 27, 2006

"Hey...What Happened?"

The Three Stooges - Insight into the Divine? - September 24, 2006

"Calling Doctor Howard? Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard?"

Quote of the Day - Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez - September 22, 2006

After Hayes...He's Our Favorite Woody!

Pentagon Sets Sites on Monaghan, Ireland - September 14, 2006

Will This be the Military's Next Cultural Sensitivity Primer?

Concerned Carl's Customers Cringe at Paris's Confession - September 8, 2006

She's #1 in Our Book!

The "New Look" Military: Gay Boot Camp? - August 18, 2006

The "New Look" Handbook!

Gibson to Re-Shoot Braveheart, The Patriot, We Were Soldiers - August 7, 2006

For Mel's New PR Campaign...

Group Seeks to Bring Action Against Parents for 'Child Labor Violations' - August 3, 2006

If You Can't Beat 'Em...!

U.S. Promotions Company to Capitalize on Zidane's "New Found" Fame - July 11, 2006

We're Still Talking About This at the All-Star Break?

Japanese National "U.S. Patriot of the Year" for 6th Straight Time - July 5, 2006

Truth! Justice! And...How Does it Go Again?

Camel Rentals Up After N.Y. Times Report - June 30, 2006

Good Reading for Abu!

Interstate Highway System a Naturally Occurring Geological Phenomenon, Scientist Claims - June 29, 2006

Happy 4th of July! Happy Motoring! Happy Birthday, Interstate Highway System!

Enterprising Homeless Seize Opportunity on Senatorial Shortfall - June 29, 2006

Breakfast at Tiffany's?

Affleck Craving Anniston, Sources Say - June 27, 2006

What's the Dish?

Bush Double Visits Iraq; Mission Revealed Upon Safe Return - June 14, 2006

Happy Father's Day, Tim!

Promotions Company Tries to Re-Create Successes of Uday with Al-Zarqawi - June 12, 2006

So Long, Abu! Say Hello to Uday and Qusay!

Bush Border Philosophy Prompts Change in Secret Service Procedures - June 9, 2006

Here's Some Good Reading for Secret Service Who Have a Little Extra Time on Thier Hands!

Flynt Courts Coulter; Suggests She Consider Her Own Shrinking 'Shelf Life' - June 8, 2006

You Want Her? - You Got Her!

Hell's Prince Preps for Idol Audition - Passes on Apocalypse - June 7, 2006

What to Do...?

Trump Fires Denis Leary; Apprentice Finale a Stalemate - June 6, 2006

Whoops - There Goes Gravity - Back to Reality!

Sex Crimes 'Expert' Lands Reality TV Series - June 5, 2006

Whose Fifteen Minutes Is Next?

Nation Grips for, Escapes Disaster on First Day of Hurricane Season - June 2, 2006

Will 'You're Doing a Great Job, Brownie,' Make the Next Edition?

MADD, AA Bash Barry Bonds over Babe Busting Baseball - May 30, 2006

Hic!

Sexual Diversity Bill 'Not Far Enough,'Claims Flynt - May 26, 2006

This Guy Will Sign Up to Teach Class!

Bush Administration Has Secret Plan to Increase Illegal Alien Attrition - May 22, 2006

Hola, Amigos!

Electronic News Keeps Newspapers Relevant - May 18, 2006

There's Always the Smithsonian!

Bush to Amass Troops at Border in Advance of Invasion of Mexico - May 16, 2006

Just Wait Until He Starts Butchering the Spanish Language!

Hillary Candidacy 'Good for Business' at Fox News, Analyst Claims - May 12, 2006

What Does Rupert Really Want?

Kennedy Constituents Blame 'Mystery Woman' - May 9, 2006

Is Patrick Even Half What His Uncle Was?

Exxon Mobil Revises Raymond Retirement - May 8, 2006

He Sure Doesn't Look Like Michael Douglas!

Immigrant Day Walkout Rocks Hollywood Tourism, Entertainment Economy - May 2, 2006

Things Sure Weren't Like This Then!

Apocalyptic Princess Claims Miss USA Crown - April 28, 2006

Here She Is!

100% of Mentally Ill Not Influenced by Tom Cruise, Study Indicates - April 26, 2006

Help! Help!

After Walk Out, LAUSD Students Curious About Polygamy - April 21, 2006

Calm Down, Everyone - and Read This!

NASCAR 'Girl Fight' Inspires New McMahon Venture - April 14, 2006

If You Like NASCAR and the WWE...

Black Stripper Group Dismayed Over DNA Test Results - April 12, 2006

BSMOFO - Read This!

Comedian Syd Stickel on Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney - April 6, 2006

Lighten Up, Congresswoman!

French Police, Students Stunned Over Lack of Surrender in Conflict - March 30, 2006

You Can Never Talk About it Too Much!

Talk Radio Listeners More Confused Than Ever After Hannity - Baldwin Debate - March 29, 2006

How Many Thumbs (Or Fingers) Would Ebert & Roeper Give This?

Comedian Jay Leno - March 28, 2006

Chill, Kids...Get Off the Freeway, Go Back to Class, and Learn to Write a Book

"Bi-PolarMatch.Com" Memberships Soar as Teen Boys Rush to Join - March 22, 2006

How Would They Draw Debbie's "Hobby?"

Comedian Jay Leno - February 25, 2006

Can You Believe It?

McCarthy Wins "Best Supporting" Oscar; Clooney Accepts on Behalf - March 6, 2006

And...the Oscar Goes to...!

Cheney to Hume: "I Didn't Want to Interfere With 'Kwan Song'" - February 15, 2006

Cheney Ain't Likely to Make This Book!

Super Bowl XL Not Apocalyptic Sign, Theologians Agree - February 10, 2006

Come Back, John Facenda!

Bush Makes Attempt at Broad Appeal with Special 'Coiff' - February 2, 2006

Did the President Get His Fashion Pointers from This?

Quote of the Day: Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa - January 31, 2006

Escuche A Antonio!

60 Minutes Airs Segment to Prove Journalistic Integrity - January 16, 2006

Where Did the Good Times Go, Bernie?

Senators Call for Postal Service Probe - January 11, 2006

Can't Wait to See What They'll Make Out of Today's Action!

Quote of the Day: Comedian Jon Stewart - January 9, 2006

What Would Sharon Say About "The Book"...if He Were Able to Talk?

Movie Review: Brokeback Mountain - January 8 , 2006

Jack and Ennis - Git Ready!

Quote of the Day: James Bond, British Special Agent 007 - January 4 , 2006

Who is the Next Super Villain?

O.J. Snubs ABC's MNF Series Finale - December 27, 2005

Talk About a Look Back at a Media Icon...

Man Trims Tree with Trash as 'Time Management' Measure - December 23, 2005

Will Scott Be The Next Time Management Guru?

Involvement in Plame Case Becoming Status Symbol for Name Journalists - December 20, 2005

Will Fitzgerald Ever Get Around to This Guy?

NAACP Announces Creation of Sports Media Division - December 19, 2005

How Would the NAACP Rate This Black?

Right Wing Radio Hosts Bash ESPN's Code Breakers - December 13, 2005

Can We Talk?

Los Angeles Times Subscriptions Soar on Barbra Sreisand's Cancellation - December 8, 2005

Is This What Babs Will Be Reading Now?

Quote of the Day: College Football Announcer Keith Jackson - December 3, 2005

It's Definitive!

Capitol Tree May Face Identity Crisis, Scientist Warns - December 1, 2005

'Tis the Season!

Quote of the Day: Comedian Jay Leno - November 30, 2005

Hold Off on the Prozac and Seconal...

Detroit Dodges Bullet in Crime Survey; Mayor Calls for Celebration - November 25, 2005

No Fancy Perfume Here!

National Turkey Refuses to Pardon Bush - November 22, 2005

And We Always Thought it Was a Gag!

Blake Civil Conviction Inspires New Proposed Legislation - November 18, 2005

Oh...the HORROR!

First Lady to Cancel Appearances With President "Indefinitely" - November 13, 2005

Looks Like Laura's Not the Only One!

California Legislators Introduce Measure to Criminalize Corporate Relocation - November 10, 2005

What Really Matters, and Why?

Quote of the Day: Comedian Jon Stewart - November 7, 2005

Will Mike Brown Make "The Book?"

Quote of the Day: Comedian Argus Hamilton - November 4, 2005

And Now You Know...

Maryland Dem Groups to Discuss Appropriate Cookies, Snack Cakes for Throwing - November 2, 2005

Uh, Guys...? DUCK!

Quote of the Day: Comedian Bill Maher - October 28, 2005

Say it Again, Bill!

Bush to Nominate College "Party Buddy" to Replace O'Connor - October 27, 2005

Next Time, Mr. President - Follow the Rules!

Fitzgerald's "Plame Game" Neighbor Queries Yield Surprises, Sources Claim - October 26, 2005

Lighten it Up, Al!

Major League Baseball Teams Hold Open Tryouts in Toledo - October 20, 2005

Old Faithful!

Quote of the Day: Comedian Bill Maher - October 18, 2005

What's New, Bill?

Bennett Attempts to Explain "Abortion/Crime Rate" Comments - October 7, 2005

Will Bennet Take His Theories International?

Quote of the Day: White House Politial Strategist Karl Rove - October 4, 2005

Will Anything Rove Says Make the Next Edition?

Four Hour Erection Warning to be Given for Broad Range of Products - September 29, 2005

A Medical Guide for the Ages!

ABC Considers Cancelling Benefactor After "Basketball" Fiasco

They Can't Win a Title - But these Guys Sure Can Play Horse!

Quote of the Day: Former First Lady Barbara Bush

Jen and Barbie Love This!

Bonds to Upgrade Protective Gear for Homer Record Run

It's Getting to be that Time!

Wrong Olsen Twin Diagnosed Anorexic

Will Either Olsen Star in the TV Movie?

Candidate Kerry Flip Flops at Fenway

It's a Grand Old Game!

Imagine Entertainment to Produce Re-make of The Bicycle Thief

Could This be What Inspired Opey?

Al Qaeda Abandons The Simple Life 2 as Target

Life Before Reality? Those Were the Days!

Sale of Dog Collars; BDSM Accouterment Soaring Through Middle East

What Will Be Next?

Quote of the Day: Porn Star Jenna Jamieson

Keep the Printers Rolling!

L.A. Riots Primarily Result of Cell Phone Triggered Fires, Scientist Claims

Don't Re-Write History Without It!

Defense Department Makes Gay Male Porn to Finance War Effort

Did Rumsfeld Get the Idea Here?

Quote of the Day: Former First Lady Barbara Bush

Happy Mothers Day!

High School Teacher Unhappy With Interview

Could We Use More Teachers Like Scott?

Correct Pronunciation of 'Goddameter' Debated by Theologians

Is Your Score Too High? Try This!

Rumsfeld Outlines New Strategy for War

He'll Deal With the New Strategy in the Next One!

Detroit Tigers' Dream Season Comes to an End

It's Getting to be a Habit!

Hornung Reaches Out to Latinos, Other Ethnic Groups

Hornung Makes it 304!

Far Left Struggles With Anti-Semitism Stance

Forsooth! What Would Sayeth the Bard?

Homeless Follow Trump's Lead

You Won't Catch the Donald in This Reality!

Gibson to Change Ending of The Passion of the Christ

The New Ending Will Have 'Em Doing This!

Ken Linked to Britney, J-Lo After Barbie Break-Up

Apparently, Ken Doesn't Suffer From This After All!

Quote of the Day: Original MTV Video Jockey J.J. "Triple J" Jackson

Once More, for Old Times' Sake!

Super Bowl Half-time Stunt "Rock the Vote" Promo, Timberlake Now Claims

You Can Say This Again!

Sharpton Calls for Creative Reparations Amendment

Someone Should Pay for 100 Years of This!

Clark Takes Huge Lead in New Hampshire; Rest of Pack Concedes Nomination

The Army, Clark Style!

Rodeo Pros Come to Dean's Defense

They Ride to the Rescue!

White America Longs White Celebrity Villain, Study Shows

Here's a Start!

Dean to Sign With World Wrestling Federation, Sources Claim

The Former Vermont Governor Bones Up for His New Career!

Early Removal of Christmas Decorations Shows Cultural Assimilation, Expert Claims

More Holiday Traditions for the Whole Year!

Dean Puts Pants on Two Legs at a Time, Aide Claims

The Competition is Closing In!

Christina Aguilera Marries Jerry Seinfeld

Christina & Britney's Bible!

Quote of the Day: Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld

There's More to Him Than Meets the Eye!

One Fruitcake Theory a Myth, Expert Claims

Christmas Tips We Could All Use!

Quote of the Day: Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright

Just Read What She Says About (???)!

Dean Back-Peddles on Finding Grassy Knoll, Roswell Theories 'Interesting'

What's Next? Elvis for Veep?

Heisman Winner White Accepts Award After 'Queer Eye' Make-Over

They're All Proud of Jason!

Latino Boycott Declared a Success

More From Juan Torrez!

Success of Eagles, McNabb 'Liberal Media Plot,' Claims Limbaugh

Has Al Been Right All Along?

Aspiring Starlets Plan Sex Videos

Before They Were Porn Stars!

Leak Jeopardizes Bush's Planned Secret Christmas Trip to France

The President Uses This to Bone Up on French Diplomacy!

Woman Calls AAA When Date Fails to Open Her Car Door

Penelope Knows 'Em!

Schwarzenneger Changes Official Pronunciation of 'California'

Arnold Has No Problem Speaking This Way!

Fred Willard Hosts Gubernatorial Inauguration

Back in the Day!

Football Fans Start Admitting to 'Not Getting' Dennis Miller

Maybe Dennis Should Have Stuck With This!

Dean Calls for Unity in Face of Criticism

All You'll Need to Add is a Truck, a Gun Rack, an Confederate Flag and a Pint of Jack!

CBS Dumps The Reagans Mini-Series; Announces The Reagans Reality Show

Well, uh, There We Go Again!

Grocery Workers' Strike Straining Friendships

Claire and Emma Should Look at This!

Californians Made Nostaltic by Air Quality From Fires

The Air Wasn't the Only Thing That Was Dirty Back Then!

Kucinich Calls for Extra Hour Every Sunday

Dennis Spent His Extra Hour Reading This!

Man Goes Over Niagara Falls to Prove Security Breaches

Add This to the List!

Cubs to Built Bartman Special Corked Seat

The Cubbies Blew it That Year, Too!

Mother Teresa Beatified; Still Dead

The Holy Mother Never Read This!

 Bustamante Named New Mr. Whipple by Charmin

Can it be that it Was All So Simple Then?

 Amendment Introduced to Allow Arnold to be President

Will He be Back?

 CA Voters Doing Exit Poll Surveys Using Best 'Ahhhhnolt' Impersonations

Does He Do This With His Hands?

 Non-Candidates Huffington, Horowitz to Debate

Will They Have the Debate Here?

 Arianna Drops Out of Race; Castigates Elderly Poor in Northern U.S. for Contributing to Terrorism 'A Little'

What Will She Set the Temp At?

 Detroit Tigers Dodge Loss Record; Ticker Tape Parade Planned

Ya Gotta Believe!

 Arnold Caught in Back-Peddle on Tax Pledge

Get in the Game!

 Six Feet Under Cast Comforts Ritter Clan at Emmys

Don't be in Such a Rush to Get There!

 Maria Secretly Rues 9th's Re-instatement Ruling on Re-call

Make it Eleven!

 Homeless Help Out in Hurricane Aftermath

The New Welfare Recipients!

 NYSE's Grasso Gets $5 Million for Quitting

How to Quit and Keep the Money - Most of it, Anyway!

 Fox News's Coverage of Isabel Inspires New Reality Show

Need a Job at Fox News?

 Letter from the Editor: Happy Hurricane Season

This Hurricane Blows!

 NYSE's Grasso, Flintstone's Great Gazoo Separated at Birth, Reunited in Federal Prison

Rakin' in the Years!

 9th Federal Court Declares Simon Governor of CA; Postpones Re-Call Election

Let's Put These Guys on the Panel!

 Israel Backs Away From Killing Arafat; Will Kill 'Can You Hear Me Now?' Guy Instead

Join the Hunt!

 'American Idol' Offers Arafat Asylum Deal

Please Don't Kill Him Before this Gets Read!

 Quote of the Day: Los Angeles Times Managing Editor Dean Baquet

The L.A. Times Needs to Take a Tip From These Folks!

 Britney Defends Bush; Prepares for Career in Politics

Oops! We Did it Again!

 Hannity Re-Registers as a Democrat; Contemplates Senatorial Run

What will Sean Say Next?

 California Illegal Aliens Establish Own Politcal Party

He Loves SR 60!

 Secret Pentagon Report Blames 'Iraqi Bastards' for Post-War Problems

Voltaire: Philosopher or Bastard?

 O.J. Announces New Book Admitting to the Murders; Bragg to Co-Write

The Real Cool Killers!

 U.S. Economy Recovering, With the Rich Leading the Way

Get Rich, or Die Tryin'!

 Arnold Torches Own Hummer to Attract Green Vote

Don't Be a Wimp - Be like Arnold!

 Crime, Bad Behavior Up in Alabama Since Removal of Ten Commandments Statue

In Birmingham, They Love the Chief Justice!

 Fox News, O'Reilly Sue 'Person of Interest' Hatfill

What the FBI Knew About Elvis!

 Madonna, Britney & Christina Kick-off Campaign for Next Re-call

She and Arnold Have a Lot in Common!

 O.J. Explains Refusal to Run for Governor

The Real Cool Killers!

 World Forces Repel Martian Sneak Invasion

When Are We Finally Gonna Make Jack President, Anyway?

 Earth Protestors Torch Hummers; Ford, Chevy Dealers Feel Jilted

For More Info on the Real Hummer, Click Here!

 California School Kids Express Doubts About Schwarzenegger

Will Arnold Ever Win One?

 Berkeley, U of Wisconsin Announce Courses in Bestiality, Pedophilia

College was Never Like This!

 Drudge to Claim Kobe Caper Plot to Boost Bryant's "Street Cred"

Voting for Mark Hulbert?

 Image of Uday to Promote Viagara, AIDS Awareness

What's the Matter, Uday -- Still Dead?

 Flynt Offers Huffington $1 Million to Debate Nude

She's One Feisty Kitty!

 Kobe Free Throws Hat into CA Gubernatorial Hoop

Voting for Kobe?

 Every 19 Year Old Female Coloradoan Identified as Kobe's Accuser on the Web

Be the Next One Identified!

 Saddam Search Suspended; Hussein Hosts Hope Tribute

Thanks for the Memories, Bob!

 Wax Museum to Display 'Before' and 'After' Replicas of Uday, Qusay

Bye, Uday and Qusay!

 Kobe Situation Spawns Cottage Legal Industry

Kobe's Lawyers Refer to This!

 Ude andyey Quesey Aryay eaDay, eportsRay ellTay

ishingWay Udey andyey Quesey ethey estBay!

Hollywood Production Company Announces Major Release Without John C. Reilly


The Best of the Best!

Corked Bleachers a Hit at 'Home Run Derby'


Always a Classic!

PETA Claims Neutrality on Cat Favoritism Issue; Criticizes 'Squirrel Alert'


Who Says the Media isn't Bias!

Defense Department to Offer 'Dawg' Chapman Vacation in Middle East


One for the Dawg!

Biden Contemplates Presidential Run Using Adlai Stevenson's Thoughts from 1960


One of Biden's Favorite Sources for Personal Tales of His Youth!

Rolling Stones Plan 'Cautionary' Measure for Upcoming Toronto Concert


Jump Back!

Barbara Walters Announces Recording Endeavor; Tiny Tim Estate Threatens Suit


Mowe Wike Baba Than Baba Hewsewf!

Bushes Mock President Ford; Apologize Later


The Bushes Never Went to a Skulls Meeting Without It at Yale!

Hillary Bought Brooklyn Bridge Twice, She States in Book


And We Thought the Stuff We Made Up Was Wacky!

Iraqi Shepherd Sues Rumsfeld For Wrongful Death of Famly, Sheep in War


Send This Shepherd a Father's Day Gift!

Blondes Not Protected Group Under Discrimination Law, Federal Court Rules


Cover Up that Ugly Wallpaper!

 Allred Outlines Privacy Strategy for Amber Frey

Stop Singing the Blues, Brother!

 World Journalism Community Admits to Fabrication in Blair Aftermath

Is the President Full of Hot Air?

 Wal-Mart Revises Employee Policy in Face of Lawsuit

Get Your Groove On!

 Prescription Drug Counterfeiters Started With Pencil Shavings, Oregano, FBI Profiler Says

Who's Next? Syria? Iran? North Korea? Make Your Pick Here!

 Bush to Salute Safety Workers; Drive Fire, Other Safety Vehicles

Having Lunch With the Queen? The Pope? The President? Ya Gotta Look Good!

 Bob Ryan to Quit Sports Writing; Takes Up Rap Music

You Can Feel Like Justin Timberlake!

 Rapper Marshall Mathers (Eminem), When Asked if He Had a Mother's Day Greeting for His Mom


The Bush's Take Care of Spot Here!

 Anti-Abortion Sniper Gets Max White Sentence; Could be Out in Seven Years

Bored At Work? Here You Go!

 Touched by an Angel 'Dove' Dies in Freak Church Accident

Embarrassed to Ask the Doc? Just Get it Online!

 Bennet to Quit Gambling; Takes Up Drugs; Promiscuity

Mess Up With Her Again? Need Forgiveness Fast?

 SARS Epidemic Sparks Fashion Craze in Areas of New York, L.A.

Can You Believe it? Somebody Actually Wants to Know What You Think!

 Mr. Personality Mask to be Changed Following Focus Group Test

Hate Bush? Love Bush? Show The World!

 Dixie Chicks to Relocate to Europe

Going to Europe to See the Chicks? Click Here!

 Tarik Aziz Surrenders Following Negotiation

Read Tarik Aziz's Favorite Books, and Order His Favorite Movies!

 Paris Las Vegas Announces New Marketing Plan

Endear Yourself to Your Boss and Your Inlaws!

 New Hollywood PC -- Approval of War, but Disapprove of Bush is OK

Travel Discounts! Stay at The Baghdad Palestine Hotel, and Get Shelled Like Al Jazeera!

Military Irritated with 'Unimbedded' Geraldo's Presence

Sponsor: Who Will the Democrats Nominate? Make Your Pick Here!

 Iraqi Looters Disgrutled by Lack of 'Booty' Opportunities

Bill Clinton Gets Dates Here!

 Marine Confused Flag for Handkerchief, He Says

Ari Fleischer Met His Wife On Line!

 Quote of the Day: White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer

OK - Ari Probably Met More Like This Kind of Girl!

 Protesters Rush as War Nears End

Always a Classic!

 Quote of the Day: U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld

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