Affleck Craving Anniston, Sources Report

 HOLLYWOOD (Disassociated Press) June 27, 2006 – Handsome Hollywood Hunk Ben Affleck, the frequent fodder of trendy tabloid trivia, is dogged by a dilemma these days, insightful insiders inform the Disassociated Press.

          “Ben’s obsessed with Jennifer Anniston,” the insiders claim.  “She’s all he thinks about.”

         Affleck is the only man alive known to have been paramour to two of the three angelic “Jennifers” (Anniston, Garner and Lopez) of pop-culture lore.  Affleck has been involved in much publicized relationships already with Jennifers Lopez and Garner.

         “If Ben were to land Jennifer Anniston, it would be like (Raoul) Amundsen conquering the Antarctic, or (Edmund) Hillary scaling Everest.  To have been with all three of the Jennifers - he would truly make everyone forget Alexander the Great.”

         Circumstances seem to make Affleck’s quest daunting; he is currently married to and has a child with one of the Jennifers (Garner), and Ms. Anniston appears to be involved in a heavily reported love affair with actor Vince Vaughn.

         With regard to the sources claim that an “acquisition” of Anniston would make people forget about Alexander the Great, Disassociated Press studies indicate that, despite a recent film of the Macedonian warrior’s life starring Colin Farrell, most tabloid readers already have no idea who Alexander the Great was.

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