Bush Administration has Secret Plan to Increase Illegal Alien Attrition

 WASHINGTON (Disassociated Press) – May 22, 2006 – Disassociated Press sources have learned that the Bush Administration has a secret plan that will inspire undocumented aliens, mostly from Mexico, Central and South America, to voluntarily return to their home countries, with no deportation requirements.

         None less than Karl Rove, the president’s top political strategist, is apparently the architect of the plan.

         “The President just loves to listen to himself speak Spanish,” sources close to Rove have quoted him as having said.  “He fancies himself fluent in the language – and, I guess he’s probably as fluent in Spanish as he is in English.”

        According to sources close to Rove, the strategy is to unveil a series of addresses by the President to the 12 to 20 million undocumented aliens currently residing in the United States in their own native language, Spanish.

         “Hopefully, when the illegal aliens hear the President trying to speak Spanish, they’ll be as horrified as most Americans are when they listen to the President trying to speak English, and they’ll run for the southern border as fast as they can,” sources close to Rove are quoting Rove as saying. 

        When queried with regards to the practicality of this strategy, sources close to Rove are quoting Rove as saying, “wouldn’t most Americans, whenever listening to the President trying to speak in English, run away as fast as they could, if they had anywhere else to go?”

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