GOP Rejects Obama Stimulus Plan; Counters with 'Move Back in with Your Parents' Plan
WASHINGTON (Disassociated Press) January 30, 2009 – On a historic day on Capitol Hill, amidst one of the greatest crises ever faced by an incoming president, House of Representatives Republicans unanimously rejected the new President's economic stimulus plan, which passed the House with an overwhelming vote of the House's Democratic Majority.
"We're prepared to work with the incoming president, and offer a counter proposal of our own," stated House Opposition Leader John Bohner of Ohio. "We're suggesting that everybody who is upside down in their mortgage, and can't make a workout with the bank, should simply walk on their home purchases, and move back in with their parents."
Eric Cantor, Republican co-Whip, of Virginia, echoed the Minority Leader's sentiments. "The sooner everyone who can't afford what they bought gets out, the sooner sounder real estate transactions can occur, at price levels where responsible people can reasonably buy properties, the sooner the economy will be stimulated."
Long time dilettante and ne'er do well Scott McAllister (see Caller-In to Talk Show Draws Ire of Peta, The Disassociated Press, April 16, 2007); (Man Trims Tree with Trash as 'Time Management' Measure, The Disassociated Press, December 23, 2005); (High School Teaching Candidate Unhappy with Interview, The Disassociated Press, April 22, 2004), upon taking the advice of the House minority leadership, surprised his mother when he rolled up to her southeastern Dallas residential home (barely 10 miles, as it happens, from outgoing President Bush's new abode) and arrived accompanied with his girlfriend, Penelope Vandersmeer (see Woman Calls AAA When Date Fails to Open Her Car Door, The Disassociated Press, November 27, 2003); (Man Gives Girlfriend Coupons for Valentines Day, The Disassociated Press, February 15, 2007), along with two ex-wives, five large dogs, and a woman of Nepalese descent (whose association with the entourage was largely indeterminate). McAllister's mother, apparently, much to her misfortune, had recently signed title of the house over to her son.
"I'm just taking the lead from the new president, who, as I understand it, recently moved himself, his wife and his two kids in with his mother in law, into public housing," McAllister was quoted. "At least, I can say, I'm the legal owner of this place."
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