Pentagon Sets Sites on Monaghan, Ireland

 WASHINGTON (Disassociated Press) September 14, 2006 – Disassociated Press associates have uncovered a plan under consideration deep inside and at the upper levels of the Pentagon which indicates that there is a significant possibility that the Defense Department will embark on a liberation campaign by the United States Military of County Monaghan, Ireland, possibly as early as Spring, 2007.

         According to a Pentagon source, the idea was inspired by an Internet spoof back in 2003, in which cyber-pranksters claimed that the descendents of Monaghan contingent at that year’s New York Saint Patrick’s Day Parade was shunned by the other participants in the festivities because the geographic shape of the county, which is prominently featured on the Monaghan flag, bears an uncanny resemblance to the geographic shape of Iraq.  The spoof was so compelling that various news agencies reported it as actual fact.

         “It got us looking at the shape of the county, and we did notice a startling resemblance,” the Pentagon insider reported.  “It got us to thinking, ‘if we took the lessons learned from Iraq, and applied them to a liberation of Monaghan, Ireland, we would likely have much more success this time around than we had in Iraq.’”

         “First, Monaghan is much smaller than Iraq – less than a tenth of one percent the size in both area and population, so it should be much more manageable – 200,000 U.S. troops would probably be more than adequate, in its case.  Second, the climate is significantly more docile.  Finally, the sectarian conflict between the Catholics and the Protestants in the county, while not totally eradicated, is pronouncedly less inflammatory than the sectarian conflict in Iraq amongst the Sunni, the Shi’a, and the Kurds.  All in all, Monaghan appears to give a much greater opportunity for success than Iraq did.”

        United States Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has not responded to Disassociated Press requests for an interview regarding the matter

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