Saddam Search Suspended; Hussein Hosts Hope Tribute

TIKRIT, Iraq (Disassociated Press) July 29, 2003  --  In a gesture of magnanimity, the United States military suspended its search for Saddam Hussein, and agreed to let Hussein come out of hiding temporarily to host a USO style tribute to Bob Hope for the U.S. troops stationed in Iraq, in Hussein’s home town of Tikrit.  Bob Hope passed away Sunday night, at the age of 100.

         “It’s very unusual, but it’s an unusual day,” said Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.  “Saddam Hussein is a great fan of American culture, American film, and Bob Hope in particular.  When we received a message that he wanted to come out of hiding to host a Bob Hope tribute for our boys, under the circumstances, we just felt it would be bad form to say no.”  The United States agreed to give Hussein a 36 hour head start to go back into hiding after the show.

         “Hi! It’s Saddam ‘for Bob Hope’ Hussein,” was the line Hussein used to open the show for the thousands of U.S. troops who gathered in Tikrit, “and it’s great to be here in Tikrit. Tikrit.  You know, that’s an Arab word meaning ‘just give me a 36 hour lead and a bologna sandwich!’”  The crowd roared its approval for the punch-line.

         Hussein went on to sing songs from the various ‘On the Road’ films, danced vaudeville style, introduced Miss Tikrit, who was wearing a flesh tone burka (considered to be very racy for the occasion), told numerous jokes, and finished the show with his own rendition of ‘Thanks for the Memories’  --

 “Thanks for the memories,
Of good ole’ shock and awe,
The bombing raids we saw;
You killed my sons,
But, what the heck,
You still haven’t got Pa!
I thank you,
So much.”

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