Al Qaeda Abandons The Simple Life 2 as Target, Intelligence Reports Indicate
WASHINGTON (Disassociated Press) June 14, 2004 – The pop culture icon television show The Simple Life 2 has apparently been abandoned as a “high value target” by Al Qaeda, intelligence reports claim. Bill O’Reilly recently broke the story on The Fox News Cable Network’s The O’Reilly Factor.
O’Reilly reported that intelligence sources had learned that The Simple Life 2 had originally been viewed as a target because Al Qaeda operatives saw it as a “symbol of U.S. decadence.”
The show stars Paris Hilton, who became part of the common lexicon just before The Simple Life 2 ’s predecessor The Simple Life debuted because of a home made pornographic video the heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune appeared in that was distributed on the Internet. The show also stars former heroin addict Nichole Ritchie, who is the daughter of pop music icon Lionel Ritchie.
“The debauchery of the stars, and the conceptual vacuity of the show in general, made the very existence of the show intolerable to Al Qaeda,” O’Reilly claimed that the intelligence report stated. “However, because the show involves the two roaming through wide open places across the American continent, the strategic improbability of pulling off a targeted strike, coupled with the absence of the possibility of significant collateral damage, gave cause to abandon the plan, regardless of the show’s repugnance.”
Curiously, an O’Reilly Factor poll indicated that 69% of that program’s viewers would have approved an attack on The Simple Life 2, who also found the very existence of the show to be “intolerable.”